Lead Kindly Light

Today at church, every hymn spoke to me and touched me deeply, helping me to work through my homesickness. I have not had that experience in some time. Most of the things were too personal to post on a blog, but the last few days...painful as they have been, have also brought me much closer to my Father in Heaven. This is also an important part of growing up: learning to rely on Him while living without parents. I felt great after church, through dinner and through the CES fireside tonight. Then we went mob-style home teaching to meet all the girls we hometeach, which was fun. When I got back to my dorm, I started feeling really discouraged. It happens whenever there is sudden downtime. I took a shower. I have done that a lot more than necessary recently, because I can stand in a small area and think to myself while pretending to do something important. I was almost to the same desperate point where I was contemplating buying a plane ticket. Prayer brought me back and reminded me of what I've learned in the last few days from my parents, my new bishop, and the Spirit. I came out feeling a little better, but I still figured I was going to cry myself to sleep again. Then, my friends were going to something called stadium singing. Under the bleachers at the field...hundreds of people singing the hymns of Zion in a small area. I tell ya...it was like a box-o-Spirit. I felt glad to have something to do, and figured it would be at least mildly cool. Then, a song started:

"Lead, kindly Light, amid th'encircling gloom, lead Thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home; lead Thou me on!
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me.
I was not ever thus, nor prayed that Thou shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path; but now lead Thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years!

So long Thy power hath blest me, sure it still will lead me on.
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till the night is gone,
And with the morn those angel faces smile, which I Have loved long since, and lost awhile!

Meantime, along the narrow rugged path, Thyself hast trod,
Lead, Savior, lead me home in childlike faith, home to my God.
To rest forever after earthly strife
In the calm light of everlasting life."

It was one of the most spiritually impacting moments of my entire life so far. I broke down, once again being reminded that I am not alone, that things will get easier, and that I always have someone to turn to when things are at their worst.

Oh, and today in sacrament meeting I "randomly" thought "Look up D&C 121." I opened my triple and was right on section 121, and looked down to see:

"7 My son, ^apeace be unto thy soul; thine ^badversity and thine afflictions shall be but a ^csmall moment;

8 And then, if thou ^aendure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy ^bfoes.

9 Thy ^afriends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands."

This week will be easier. I know it. Like my dad always told me: "Just keep doing the next right thing. Every day, every challenge...just do the next right thing."