Mission Prep

So, yeah I suck at maintaining a blog. But I write in my journal every night, so I'm still keeping the commandment.

Anyway, I'm thinking a lot about my mission. Most of my friends older than me are either on their missions or have their calls. Also, I'm next in line in my home ward.

I'm done school 18 July. Logically, giving time for preparation, the earliest I would put my availability date as would be 1 August, meaning earliest possible MTC entry would be 6 August. but more likely my MTC entry date would be in late September at the earliest. But there's the possibility it could interfere with family vacation (16-30ish August). This is complicated. but then if my availability date isn't until 1 September, the call may say come in December! So, I think if I'm staying in Rexburg for next semester, then I have to say my availability date is 1 August, so I risk the possibility of interfering with family vacation (of which, I'm told, neither of my parents can alter their time, which seems unfair to me). Best case scenario if my MTC entry date is in the middle of family vacation is me and dad flying from Bangor to Salt Lake, taking me to the MTC, and him going back to Maine. If neither parent can go, I know plenty of people in Utah and Idaho that could take me to the MTC. It would kinda stink though, to go to the MTC and not have either parent with me. Then again, far worse things have been asked of the Saints, so I'm just being whiney.

What am I worried about? I'll put my date as 1 August. I will start my papers in late April and have them in the mail by 3 May. Everything will work out how it's supposed to, and by Christmas 2008 I'll be Elder Kelleher. Woooohooo!

Rexytime...great success

The pictures are on the Facebook. I don't feel like doing an expansive blog post about the trip. I'm here, it's cold and snowy, and I'm feeling fine. The trip was just what I needed. It brought me back to sanity. Well, more realistically, it reminded me of what travel and adventure felt like, here I was falling into monotony and now I will do just fine.

Check out the pics on the Facebook. I demand your jealousy.

Back in Provo City

Loading pictures and the like...back to Rexburg today. I feel like things will go better because I feel ready to take on life now. I have had a lot of conversations with people who are at the point I want to be in 3 years, and I know what I need to do. Pictures from the trip will be posted later.

Provo City

I'm in Provo, and I feel at home again. I don't know why, but I feel at home in Provo. Always have. Tomorrow we are driving to Phoenix, and the day after that, TO MEXICO!

Hoy

Yeah, I am going to Mexico this weekend. Leaving Rexy Thursday night, staying in Provo, driving all day Friday, Friday night in Phoenix, Saturday...Puerto Penyasco/ Rocky Point Sonora Mexico. Amazing.

Today was just classes and stuff, same ol' same ol', you know the drill.

So far this blog has just been self therapy for homesickness, but there will be more in the coming weeks as I get into normal life here.

¿Yendo a mexico?

Uh, I might be going to Mexico this weekend. That would certainly cheer me up.

Another day

I rearranged my schedule today, and things are looking better. I'm pretty beat though, dang near asthenia. I'm REALLY excited for Utah this weekend.

Today

Today was really hard for a while. My inability to pay attention in Math class seems to lend itself to more homesickness. I need to just immerse myself in that class, I guess. Boo. But things got better. I'd say today is an 8 on the 1-10 scale of hard.

Lead Kindly Light

Today at church, every hymn spoke to me and touched me deeply, helping me to work through my homesickness. I have not had that experience in some time. Most of the things were too personal to post on a blog, but the last few days...painful as they have been, have also brought me much closer to my Father in Heaven. This is also an important part of growing up: learning to rely on Him while living without parents. I felt great after church, through dinner and through the CES fireside tonight. Then we went mob-style home teaching to meet all the girls we hometeach, which was fun. When I got back to my dorm, I started feeling really discouraged. It happens whenever there is sudden downtime. I took a shower. I have done that a lot more than necessary recently, because I can stand in a small area and think to myself while pretending to do something important. I was almost to the same desperate point where I was contemplating buying a plane ticket. Prayer brought me back and reminded me of what I've learned in the last few days from my parents, my new bishop, and the Spirit. I came out feeling a little better, but I still figured I was going to cry myself to sleep again. Then, my friends were going to something called stadium singing. Under the bleachers at the field...hundreds of people singing the hymns of Zion in a small area. I tell ya...it was like a box-o-Spirit. I felt glad to have something to do, and figured it would be at least mildly cool. Then, a song started:

"Lead, kindly Light, amid th'encircling gloom, lead Thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home; lead Thou me on!
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me.
I was not ever thus, nor prayed that Thou shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path; but now lead Thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years!

So long Thy power hath blest me, sure it still will lead me on.
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till the night is gone,
And with the morn those angel faces smile, which I Have loved long since, and lost awhile!

Meantime, along the narrow rugged path, Thyself hast trod,
Lead, Savior, lead me home in childlike faith, home to my God.
To rest forever after earthly strife
In the calm light of everlasting life."

It was one of the most spiritually impacting moments of my entire life so far. I broke down, once again being reminded that I am not alone, that things will get easier, and that I always have someone to turn to when things are at their worst.

Oh, and today in sacrament meeting I "randomly" thought "Look up D&C 121." I opened my triple and was right on section 121, and looked down to see:

"7 My son, ^apeace be unto thy soul; thine ^badversity and thine afflictions shall be but a ^csmall moment;

8 And then, if thou ^aendure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy ^bfoes.

9 Thy ^afriends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands."

This week will be easier. I know it. Like my dad always told me: "Just keep doing the next right thing. Every day, every challenge...just do the next right thing."

Homesickness

Honestly, I have no idea how the pioneers did this. They left city after city, building new ones and watching what they'd just done be destroyed. If you left home in a conestoga, chances were you'd never see that place again. Well here I am, 2,258 miles from the house I grew up in and most of my family. I have a cell phone and a computer. I can call pretty much anyone in my family at anytime, just to hear their voices and hear how their day is going. I have plenty of high quality pictures of them. And most importantly, I have a plane ticket home for April 11th. When the sun rises over Wilmington on April 12, 2008, I will be there to greet it...asleep in MY bed.

But then why does it still hurt?

Leaving home hurts. It doesn't matter what your life was like before, a total change will make you feel different. Now, I suppose if you've just come out of a concentration camp, you won't ever get "Campsick"...unless you miss the associations you had with others who were suffering just as much. Disclaimer: My life at home DID NOT SUCK. I used to think it did, but that is common amongst 14-year olds. My life at home was cozy and comfortable. I lived in a pretty nice house with a loving family who had my back. But there was still unpleasantness, and like any 18 year old, I could not wait to get the heck out. Now that I'm out, I miss it like nothing else. I miss every little thing. I miss the chairs in my house, the dishes, the carpets, the way the sunlight comes through the curtains in my bedroom and wakes me up when I want to sleep, and the pillows on the couch in the basement.

But I'm adjusting. Everyone has to do this. Everyone has to make the change from kid to adult. I've dabbled before, and even this is a very gradual change.

This blog will make more sense as it goes along. I'm feeling a lot better now than I have the last few days. It will be interesting to read this post when I'm done this semester and better adjusted.